


I Wish I was Better

by orphan_account



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Canon Compliant, Gen, Oikawa Tooru has anxiety, Oikawa Tooru is a Mess, Supportive Iwaizumi Hajime, do what you want, oikawa apologizing fic w/ cuddles, oikawa tooru is trying to be better, post-shiratorizawa game, you can read oikawa and iwa as a couple or just as close friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2020-05-30
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:40:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24451507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Oikawa apologizes to Kageyama for everything.ORI’m back on my bullshit with hcing haikyuu characters with anxiety.
Kudos: 51





	I Wish I was Better

“I’m not letting you get up until you do this.”

“Not even to pee Iwa-chan? I really think I need to pee so you better let me g-“

“If you want to pee then you’d better get this done quick. Don’t think that I wouldn’t sit here and watch you wet yourself. I might even film it and send it to Makki and Mattsun.”

“That’s kinky Iwa-chan!” That earns Oikawa a harsh whack to the side of his head. “Mean!” He gasps, making his eyes as big as possible, pleading at Iwaizumi to let him push doing this off just a little longer.

“Pick up the fucking phone and call him. He probably won’t even answer, so you can just leave a voicemail.” Oikawa reaches for the phone that stares menacingly at him from the foot of the bed. He has never felt so betrayed by the little alien keychain attached to it. “C’mon Tooru, get this over with, then we’ll spend the rest of the night doing anything you want,” Iwaizumi promises. Oikawa brightens up, they make eye contact, the ace takes a deep breath, which Oikawa mimics before reaching for the taunting device.

“Okay.”

-

Kageyama is packing up his stuff to leave after extra practice with Hinata. They ran a little late, so Hinata had already left. Kageyama retrieves his phone, surprised that he has a notification. He really only gets texts from Hinata, and they only just separated, so it seemed unlikely it had been the red head.

1 voicemail from Oikawa Tooru

Kageyama frowns, but hits play and hold the phone up to his ear anyway.

There is a little bit of rustling on the other end of the line before a shaky exhale followed by Oikawa’s unmistakeable voice.

“Hey Tobio-ch- Tobio, sorry, force of habit. Um, hoo, ok. This call is something that I’ve been putting off for a long time, four fucking years, but um, I need to do it. So, um, I’m going to explain some things, but I want you to know that I’m not trying to justify them, I just- I want you to know what was going on. So, please listen to the whole thing. 

So, Tobio, you’re a genius, at least in the volleyball sense. You have so much natural talent and game sense, and you’re hard to read on the court. You’re insane. I am, uh, I’m a good setter, I know that, I’m even better than you for now, but you’re a scary kouhai to have. All that raw talent and determination is scary.

Back at Kitagawa Daiichi I was paranoid that you would replace me. I had put in so much hard work y’know? I didn’t have natural talent like you, I needed- I needed to practice for hours and hours until I couldn’t anymore to be as good as I was, and it’s still true. But you came waltzing in, and you were so good, and so effortless. And I had this panic because I knew you would end up surpassing me, but because of my fear I greatly underestimated how much time it would take. I thought that you would replace me, but I knew I had the jump serve, that was the only thing that I held over you at the time, at least in my head, I’m aware now that that isn’t true.

But you came to me that day and you asked me to teach you the serve. I was, um, admittedly not in my most sound mental state at the time, and you came and what it seemed like in the warped reality in my head was that you were asking me to hand you my position on a silver platter, everything I had put my blood, sweat, and tears into. What I had almost irreparably injured my knee for, and I know that wasn’t the case. You were so innocent then and all you wanted was to be a better volleyball player, and I’m sorry that I couldn’t be your super setter senpai that you would go on to thank for your success in all your interviews for the national team. What can I say? I’m a selfish bastard with a crippling fear of abandonment.” A bitter laugh sounded through the speaker.

“Anyway, I wanted to thank you, if you hadn’t made me lose my shit I wouldn’t have got the help I needed. Iwa-chan told my mom about it, and she made me see a psychologist. I, um, I have an anxiety disorder which triggered some depressive symptoms as well, and it caused me to see the world a little different. And the extra stress it caused was probably why i actually tried to hurt you. But I’m not blaming those, and trying to get off easy. I should have controlled myself better, even if I didn’t feel stressed enough to physically come at you I would have been thinking about it, and a good senpai would never even think about something like that.

Refreshing-kun would never and you actually did replace him.

Ah, so I’m sorry about everything I did. I um, if you care, I’m a lot better now, I’m uh, on meds and go to therapy and whatever. When I’m at my worst Iwa-chan puts his brutishness on hold to take care of me.” There was a smack sound and a small “ow.” Kageyama assumes that Iwaizumi is with Oikawa.

“Iwa-chan and I went to see your game against Shiratorizawa. I’ll never say it again, but I was rooting for you. I’m glad you beat Ushiwaka, that bastard deserved it. Congratulations on going to nationals. You’re a good setter Tobio, I’m glad you found a team that brings out the best in you. And I’m starting to see you do the same for them, so I hope, maybe, somewhere in our fucked up relationship you did pick up something worthwhile from me. I wish I could have been better, and I’m sorry I wasn’t. I hope you can forgive me Tobio. Anyway, you’re probably tired of hearing my voice so I’ll be going.   
Bye Tobio-chan~” The voicemail ends.

Kageyama considers the call as he walks the rest of the way to his house. It is unexpected, that’s for sure. The call covers a lot. Kageyama never thought Oikawa was a liar, but the amount of honesty expressed in those four minutes and twenty five seconds completely shocked the younger setter, especially all the praise for him and the apologies. In the end, whether Oikawa liked him or not, Kageyama did learn a lot from him. And, while it had scared him when Oikawa tried to hit him, it wasn’t something he really dwelled on anymore. He switches apps to send a quick email.

-

Iwaizumi slouches with his back against the pillow. Oikawa’s computer sits in his lap while his head rests on Iwaizumi’s shoulder. The ace has one arm wrapped Oikawa’s torso. An amateur YouTube documentary on America faking the moon landing is playing, but neither of them are really paying attention, Iwaizumi because the quality is shit and he doesn’t care and Oikawa because he can’t stop sneaking glances at his phone. 

Finally, it rings and Oikawa scrambles to pick it up. It is from Kageyama.

“Iwa-chan! You read it I’m too scared,” the setter gasps shoving it at Iwaizumi, who knows everything will just be easier if he complies.

1 New Message from Tobio-chan  
I am glad you are better. You’re forgiven.

Iwaizumi smiles at the brief message, and he reads it aloud to Oikawa.

“That’s it? That’s all he wrote? That bastard! Ugh, I pour my soul out to him for ten minutes and he gives me ten words!” Oikawa whines, his face all scrunched up.

“You talked for like five minutes and he actually wrote eight words.”

“Iwa-chan! Tobio-chan! Mean mean mean!” Fists lightly shove against Iwaizumi’s arm punctuating each of his complaints. Iwaizumi smiles fondly at him. 

With his un-assaulted arm he closes Oikawa’s computer and moves it to the floor. Then he wraps both arms around the setter’s middle, pinning his arms to his torso. They shuffle around until they’re comfortable under the covers. Iwaizumi shifts to shut off the bedside lamp, leaving the room barely illuminated by the decade old glow in the dark stars plastered to the ceiling. 

Iwaizumi absentmindedly runs his fingers through Oikawa’s hair. “I’m proud of you Tooru. You’ve come really far,” he whispers into the barely green glowing void.

“Couldn’t have done it without you Haji. Thank you for sticking with me and always taking care of me.” Oikawa’s voice is muffled by the blanket and Iwaizumi’s chest. They slowly fall asleep in the familiarity of each other’s presence.

Oikawa sleeps better than he has in a long time, he feels lighter, a weight is lifted off his shoulders, and only for a second does he regret not doing it earlier because he did it, and that’s all that matters.


End file.
